What I'd Do If I Were In Charge (or Advice For the Mayor)

I see another candidate for mayor of Douglasville has thrown his hat in the ring.  I would like to express some concerns that myself and some other citizens have expressed.

Number 1:  We would like to enter Kroger without having to dig out a parka and lambskin gloves.  I am SURE the price of groceries could drop significantly if they would not put their thermostat on sub zero temperatures.  Honestly, my teeth chatter.  In July.  In 100 degree weather.  The other day, I tried to pick up a package of cheese and my fingers were numb.  I had to go over to housewares and get a set of tongs.

Number 2:  Three words:  Chapel Hill Road.  Three more:  left hand turns.  Often, I close my eyes and gas it trying to pull out of my subdivision on Chapel Hill Road making a left hand turn.  The speed limit is 45mph at my intersection.  Often the cars are airborne, a la Dukes of Hazzard General Lee, coming over the hill.  Many times I take my life into my own hands while turning left to go freeze at Kroger, also on Chapel Hill Road.  I would just like to pull out ONE TIME without making the sign of the cross first.  That’s all.

Number 3:  Please, Lord, put another Quick Trip on Chapel Hill Road.  Yes, I know there is a new one on Fairburn, but apparently that’s still not enough, because this one is ALWAYS jumping.  And make it a requirement that the frozen coffee machine is never broken or out of service, because that is just a major bummer.  In fact, you can take out one of those hot dog machine things and put another coffee machine there, because I’m pretty sure not many people eat those stuffed hot dogs. 

Number 4:  Fix the funky entrance where Starbuck’s, Texas Roadhouse and Carraba’s (among other businesses) are located.  You know the one.   Going north on Chapel Hill (there it is again) just before I-20.  That curvy thing that no one really knows what to do once they get in there.  I feel like I’m on the bumper car ride at the fair.  You can’t tell which direction the other cars are coming.

Number 5:  Please install a Tanger Outlet Mall as soon as possible, preferably with a Coach store, or if not Coach, I’ll take Anne Klein. 

Number 6:  I know it is not technically in Douglasville, but could someone, anyone, make a truly readable map of the trails at Clinton Nature Preserve?  I’ve only found one map and it looked like someone closed their eyes while trying to do one of those guided writing psychic things but didn’t quite tune in to the spirits.  Once I walked in the same gigantic circle at Clinton about 5 times.  I was just beginning to remember some of the advice of Dave and Cody on Dual Survivor when I found my way out.  P.S. Shout out to Dave and Cody because I did find WATER and remember that was number one for survival in the wild. 

Number 7:  Require all restaurant employees to respond “my pleasure” at every request like Chick Fil A.  Isn’t that just the nicest thing to say?  Heck, make all service related employees say that after everything and mean it.  It just brightens my day to go get ask for a refill of lemonade and have them say “my pleasure”.  I love that place.  Also for Number 7, more Chick Fil A’s everywhere!!!

Number 8:  Have referees or umpires at the gas pumps at Kroger on Chapel Hill Road.  Just this week I witnessed a near knock down drag out over who got to the pump first.  I mean it was a full out shouting match because car #1 was pulled up and backing into an open pump when car #2 whipped in from the other direction…I think.  That’s what I gathered between the rated R name calling going on.  I have heard  other altercations over line placement at the pumps.  How old are these people???  Four???  I have three year olds in my Sunday School class that act more mature. 

Number 9:  How about a reality show filmed in Douglasville?  Even an episode of C.O.P.S. would suffice.  I would volunteer The Real Housewives of Douglasville.  I just feel our fair city is worthy of some national exposure, you know, other than the story of the teacher who hosted a CRCT test changing party at her home here.  Let’s show America what a great place Douglasville is, for everyone, not just the cheaters.

And last, Number 10:  In the famous words of Meghan McGlover, “Don’t be stupid”.  Please make smart decisions to benefit our city and surrounding area.  Like the truck stop on Thornton.  Just do it.  It’s a good idea any way you slice it.  As mayor, whoever gets elected needs to listen to the citizens.  Accept ideas that will bring business here.  Make us proud.

That’s it for me for now, but feel free to add your suggestions.  As always it’s been my pleasure.